Ford announces BlueCruise 3.0 and new features for the coming year

[RickLightning]

Dearborn, Michigan
4/1/25

Today Ford Motor Company (F) announced BlueCruise 3.0, a revolutionary driving system. "While people were delighted with BlueCruise handsfree, we here at Ford felt we needed to up our game and take things to a new level. Today, Bill and I are happy to announce, BlueCruise 3.0 Clothes-Free. While our goal is always to maintain a safe driving environment, we felt it was necessary to free our Ford owners from all constraints, and let them drive not only handsfree, but clothes-free.

"The technology in this system will automatically block gazes from other vehicles with our new, patent-pending window glass, SLAMB(TM). Stop Looking At My Boobs technology works similar to the concept of “I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever you say bounce off me and sticks to you” and reverts the wandering gaze from other drivers right back to themselves, so they simply see a reflection of themselves in a Ford window. They have no idea that BlueCruise 3.0 Clothes-Free is in operation."

"We said we were going to bring driverless technology to our vehicles soon, but decided that with clothes-free enabled, driverless is probably not a good idea, despite our 180 degree lay flat seating. We want your attention on your road, not your partner's tallywacker."

Ford BlueCruise Clothes-Free with SLAMB(TM) glass. Coming SOON(TM) to your Ford EV. Dog-mode? Nope, never coming.

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[abcut973]

Lol! Good one

 

[Mashedtators]

 

[Altivec]

You had me in the first sentence with BC 3.0. I was like, what the hell happened to BC 2.0? Then I read on and started laughing.

 

[MidAtlanticLightningClub]

Be careful not to turn off BlueCruise CF in heavy traffic or the school drop-off lane.

 

[Vulnox]

BlueCruise 80.08, arriving soon!

At one of my old workplaces they had glass outside the NOC where if you flipped a switch it would fog/glaze so you couldn't see in. I am sure it's still stupid expensive, but that would be cool for rear windows in cars, especially when you have to leave more expensive stuff inside when traveling.

 

[FloridaMan655321]

And once again someone thinks they are funny on April 1st. If it isn't obvious, 'April Fools' is pretty lame

 

[FloridaMan655321]

BlueCruise 80.08, arriving soon!

I think you mean 80.085
Always plural

 

[Vulnox]

I think you mean 80.085
Always plural

I’ve forgotten the ancient texts!

You are absolutely right.

 

[Scorpio3d]

My first thought was April fools…. Glad I was wrong, that sounds like promising technology!

 

[flyct]

WOW. Other Breaking News


Today several news outlets reported that tomorrow’s tariffs and cost reduction that DOGE initiated are already bringing positive revenue and consumer price drops on groceries.


Stock market is expected to rise to record levels this week


Consumer prices are expected to come down to 2019 levels within the month


It is expected that President Trump’s team is close to striking a deal to end the Ukraine war by this weekend at the latest


The Supreme Court has ruled that President Trump can run for a third term


Canada, Mexico, Greenland and Panama have tentatively agreed to talk about becoming a US territory and hold off on retaliatory tariffs..


DOGE has agreed to not recommend a change in Social Security benefits for
the next 4 years


Ford, GM and Chrysler have agreed to absorb the additional cost of the tariffs and not pass them on to consumers


Due to all these positive outcomes President Trump has pledged to no longer hurl insults.


President Trump has announced that all future tax cuts will be targeted at low ad middle class Americans, not the rich.


Dated April 1st.

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